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Friday, October 4, 2019

THE DWELLING (Film Review)

                                 Starring: Colin Price, Alysa King, Gwen Cumyn

                                     Directed by: Jeff Maher


  "You made your bed, now you lie in it!" - Or is it DIE in it? Any way you tuck your covers in, director Jeff Maher's gory shocker The Dwelling (formerly titled Bed Of The Dead) might not garner all the attention it's looking for with a title such as this but it is a fairly fun movie to watch aside from its complete inanity.

  The film, which actually debuted at the 2016 Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal, this non-family friendly pic tags along with a foursome of overly horny pals (King, Cumyn, Dennis Andres and Gerorge Kressa) who are celebrating a birthday of one of their own. Are they throwing a party? Well, not entirely? Are they giving the birthday boy a gift he'll never forget? You'd better believe your sweet bippy! Yes sir, instead of the conventional beer-bash, this small pairing of couples decides that in order to ring in their friends yearly observance, it would be best commemorated by visiting a sex dungeon, renting a room, and shaking the bed off of its casters...JEEZ, all I used to get was a stupid pointy hat and some cake. Without divulging too much information, let's just say that the bed in room #18 (which was acquired for the night via hefty bribe) isn't the most friendly memory-foam bunk you've ever laid your private parts down upon. Turns out that this thing has been cursed for centuries, and whomever presses ass to the sheets gets met with a dispatching that borders on the fringes of both psychologically damning as well as flesh-rending, all in one glorious and gory display.

  Aside from the quartet in peril, a side story of an alcoholic detective has its way with the audience, telling a tale of dual tragedies that's left him a fraction of the man that he used to be. Now he's investigating a heinous crime with a very close connection, and it won't be long before he's dancing with the flask and bottle once again. It acted as an interesting touch to the story but at times felt disjointed with the flow of what was going on with the two couples in danger on the Sealy Posturepedic from Hell. The idea that none of our oversexed youngins were allowed to set foot off of the bed was a bit ludicrous, but was an interesting way to keep the floor clean...that is until some fresh viscera manages to wash over it in mass quantities. What makes this such an intriguing watch is that upon first inspection, you wouldn't think that this could possibly grab your attention; yet, aside from some cheesy performances and slightly insipid plot it actually works, and it's pretty damned fun to take in. Definitely worth a watch, and hopefully you'll use this as a reference point when you head out to make your next bed purchase.

RATING: 3 out of 5

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