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Saturday, October 19, 2019

100 ACRES OF HELL (Film Review)

                           Starring: Gene Snitsky, Ernie O'Donnell, Jeff Swanton

                     Directed by: Hank Leigh Hump, Lisa Lakeman, Ernest O'Donnell


     Let me start this review off by offering a bit of a protective disclaimer: while the possibility of this film's leading man finding me and ripping my limbs from my body does seem remote, I'll do my best to keep my normally negative comments on the low-end of things...there, is it safe? Okay - let's leap into this (ahem) riveting display of horror - it's 100 Acres Of Hell (or 89 minutes of subjective ocular torture for those keeping score).

   Directed by a triumvirate of big-chair sitters, this "survival-horror" presentation stars former WWE brute Gene Snisky (who also wrote) as Buck Severs, a retired grappler of the squared-circle who has certainly seen his share of traumatic instances. Having lost his wife and daughter in an accident that forced his fallback, his 3 pals decide that a "bros weekend" is in order to snap him out of his funk...if you can call PTSD and clinical depression a "funk" after the sudden loss of your family, but hey - I'm just a goon at the keyboard without a medical degree. Severs' trio of bros are some of the biggest unlikeable jackasses you could ever ask for, and how these guys all managed to not kill each other over the course of their friendship escapes me on every conceivable level. So here we are at the preserve that will act as the film's backdrop - a little hunting, fishing, ball-breaking, and eventual self-preservation is on-tap.

  Jeb Tucker (former WWE star Sam Anoai) is the urban legend with a killer's attitude, and he's going to protect his woods no matter how many souls he's got to rack up, and it won't be long before these behemoths of the ring butt skulls in a showdown that would make Hogan vs. Andre look like small potatoes...okay, maybe not but you hopefully latch onto the scenario I'm presenting. Some people have called this film "as close as you can get to a Friday The 13th entry...and I'll respectfully ask them to pee into a specimen cup to determine through urinalysis exactly which drugs they've been ingesting to make such a statement. This movie is a hundred percent complete inanity, and for some, that's a good thing - it just doesn't offer anything different or refreshing. You could toss in virtually any backwoods slasher and get the same result (with the exception of Mr. Voorhees' work, of course)

  Snisky does work well here as the hero, and although his performance is adequate it's not enough to have him carry the weight of this entire production on his back, even if he is of Herculean strength. Overall, I'd have to utter a hard-pass on this one - maybe watch a few hours of pro wrestling followed by any horror movie if you want to mash-up the two but I'd be content to stay outside of this ring for a 10-count.

RATING: 2.5 out of 5


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